He liked, she...

...He liked. She loved. He ran...

End.

So on Facebook, a friend did a challenge to people to write a story in six words. This is what i came with.

Funnily enough, I'm not the only one to have experienced anything like this.

Love's a funny ole thing, ain't it?

The Boy from Montserrat

Your song like lilt had me in giggles, for reasons unknown

Except to you, 'it was always you, you know' that easy laughter hiding the demons that need slaying at night.

The Boy from Montserrat, I see beauty of lands I’ve never seen when you neared.
Landscapes, hills, hidden things, glorious thrills, picture the scene

'See this one? She's the one I’ll marry!' you told those within ear shot. 'Timbuktu, Calabar, China, we'll go' you said

'We'd have one boy and two girls, one would be all me, the other you - the middle one, we'd toss a coin to choose' I threw

You'd laugh at my crazy notion
'Where do you find these ideas, dear Hausa girl, no coins, we'll eeny meeny em'

My laughter always frenzied you. I did then. Laugh often. My own fears masked.

So when we fought, it felt like the skies would fall,
No love making to rival the full moon, nor an autumn equinox bring
No goose pimple maps kisses bring
Nothing doing
Corridor passing, sleep tossing, pans slamming, doors shut
How dare he?! I'd thought.

I said no...

The Boy from Montserrat, I did love
The Boy from Montserrat, I gave all
The Boy from Montserrat, I ran from
Of The Boy from Montserrat, I couldn't be sure, just then

But, if you asked me today, I may just say yes.

Your stomach is his

Mum - it's amusing and amazing to me, you are very much like your father
Me - really? How
Her - Well, your stature is similar to his, see that flat curve of your stomach? That looks like it holds nothing and everything? That's his
Me - well, what's yours in me?
Her - Your resilience.
There's silence.
Me - Well, well, i meant physical ma.
Her - i know what you meant. Your humour is his too. All the rest are me.

I was pretty sure my sardonic humour was my mother's. She'd deny this of course, who wants to be responsible for a child that can joke about death? Or like now, say much with so little. I said nothing all the same.

I cock my head to the side and guffaw, my empty flat stomach rising and falling as i imagine this. This unequal split of parts. I always knew i had many parts of my father. Duh you might think!

I thought of my great grand aunt who'd in turn praise the him she saw in me, and insult the him in me that was incorrect to her. Like, that streak of stubborness, she wanted to wane out. Especially, when my no was final. And aged 13, i said no in many ways. I silently rebelled, when i did the dishes but left the tea spoon, or when i feigned sleep so i could write another letter to my mother after lights out. The long limbs that could reach the taller book shelf, the biscuit tin behind the glass cabinet. The gait of kpekpeye she'd say in edo. They'd laugh. I'd look askance, even then, less so now. I understood better. They wanted me to understand. Although, i wasn't sure if i was a duckling in the good or bad way.

Years before that, an aunt would explain in the queen's english, precisely why i was a bastard. I'm aged 8 and confused. Afterall, I saw my father the day before. What did she know anyway. Except, according to the dictionary i'd find she was correct. But, why did she smile when she told me this? She seemed to relish my attempt to reject that label. So she had repeated again ' and this is why you are what a bastard is' she was 13 or 14. She closed the dictionary with the finality of a judge sentencing me to life imprisonment.

I'd now look at these arms, those running legs. My eyes narrowing. To myself i'd say 'oni ma mean enwin' (that doesn't mean anything)

She was talking again

Mum - You know, i think you have one of his ways of thinking too.
Me - does he over analyse too?
Mum - Not always, then again neither do you. I meant your clear logic
Me - it hasn't always served me well.
Mum - No, not always. Sometimes, you must listen, damwe hudun we (listen to your mind)
Me - I tried, ekhor mwen zuo ugbenso (my heart is mostly stupid)
Her - I know, that's why i said your gut or your mind. At the very least rhie ekhor wey le le gbe (take your heart with mind)

I wondered silently, who's that was. Whose heart i inherited. I'm sure that was neither, that was all me.

Neither of us say anything for a moment.

Screw being 'strong' for today

If i wanted to be strong today
I’d have called a doctor, not you
I’m tired of being told
‘stay strong’ ‘be strong’ ‘you're strong’ bla bla bla
What is it about this black girl’s pain
That turns your eyes awry
Some friend you are
To tell me to anchor, with 'strength' within, i already did that first!
When i heard, Olokun whispering, calling, a storm brewing,

How can you spout such tripe
When, all i want to do is follow Yemoja
To the base of the river beds
The ocean floors
To see what serene feels like
For just a moment of respite
‘i'm sorry to hear’ some say
Though, i'm almost certain, NOT! Follows
In the smirk and wry smile
Eye corners crinkled with mischief
As if to say 'oh well, you needed that lesson' glee is barely hidden
Pure disdain

I’m sad, i’m tired, i’m angry, i’m in flight, i’m processing, i'm floating
In this very dark moment, I've seen the brightest light sparks
Oh! That’s me? When i come back? To the middle, in sync again, maybe not
I don’t want to be strong, not merely
Not right now, at least not how you define it
Stoic, unmoving, unmoveable, touche indeed
As if my hurting disgusts you
I know you didn't want to know, no not really
I wouldn't tell ordinarily

Not today,
Today i went to dig further
Today you asked how i was
I told you ‘ekk u ekk’
You respond like everyone else
‘stay strong’ 'you've been so strong before'
Well, i’m tired of being this ‘strong’ whatever it means
I don’t want to ‘hang on’
Listen, can you tell me
Why my hurting thing
Makes you wanna holler?

Am i not allowed this human process
Of seeking, of self, of healing, of recovery
How does one stay strong
Without first healing
How do i heal without testimony
How can i testify
If you seek to silence me
With a gagging band aid of ‘be strong’
And you wonder why,
Some days, i’ll still smile
Through the murky strains of tears and fears
Burrowing just beneath
Oya has come again with change now

Not tomorrow though,
Tomorrow when you will have asked
How are you?
Not feeling very strong i’ll tell you as the laughter rises
Just as well, i feel free and just perfect
With being
A living woman

I’m here, I’m here, I’m going again, I’m going again

Nothing is worse than breaking your own heart

I used to think it was bad when some one else did
Then I came across you, and I saw, you did everything
All you thought would make sense, should make sense
Didn't, not to me, nor to you even
Not the kiss before midnight,
The knowing glance, glances, brushes past thighs,
The keen kisses, grazes on my collar bone, that which sends me in to disarray

Usually

Except I’m not here, I can’t reach you, you cling to my hair,
I gasp and realise, not even this,
Not the sweet, desperate, pleading thrusts at the witching hour
When it’s easier to show erzulie into your presence
Would you know how to act, if she came through me to you now?
As we dance in the dark, oshun bearing parting gifts, open circle
My waist beads jiggle, swerve, and swing to this rhythm

This dance known to all, but now lost to us
I’m here, I’m here, I’m going again, I’m going again,
I'm at the abyss, the abyss is coming nearer, it's empty, it seeks me
I’m losing you even though we in this moment are face to face
You are losing me even though in that moment you are in the depths of my inner being
Not my heart, there’s a tiger its walls

The one below

Though from this prayer, she may have found a new home
My knees buckle, I’m here, I’m here, I heard you
I turn to reach for you and find you asleep. Clothed.
I felt it. I shudder, you stir and mumble my name

That night I cry myself to sleep unsure of what I’m feeling
And I know there’s nothing worse than breaking your own heart
I don't know who i am, i don't know who you are either

It doesn't pour

Sometime it doesn't pour after it rains,
Sometimes there is a flood, formed after drops have dripped into a space
Stagnant and putrid, a place filled with pain beyond relief
Relief which is needed for ease to return

The ease of a child, maybe, 4 or 7
As yet, unperturbed by life's funny cruelties
Sometimes, it is not so bleak,
So wariness inducing.
It feels weightless, there and not there.
Like the shadow i might only depart in death
I might flee in the next moment

There's an ache in my bones, a tiredness sleep won't fix
Not a nap, nor a night's slumber
For each moment i awake in this plane, another drop increases the flood
What do i do? Where shall i go? Who will hear my cry?

Some have listened to my laughter
They miss the cue where my anguish follows
Distracted now by my next pun line, I feel a clown some days
It doesn't always pour when it rains

But, by shango, when the flood increases, I pause
It feels raw, akin a boiling pus, so ripe, so old, so old, so yellow, so new
This pain. Will you burst in to?

To free me.

3 CAKES - A personal new year, same but very different...It is lengthy! What? It's my birthday!

I was about to express my shock that the girls would be late.

The 'plan' was for us to have a meal, to do with the wedding. Girlfriend S gets married in a week.
I was dressed up as it was going to be me my birthday celebration. Well the pub part anyway. Before I get to the shock of the day. Let's go to the morning. I and a group of other friends, arranged by V, went laser tagging. Like paintballing, minus the pain. No bruised skins thank you very much. I am way too old for that!

So...

SATURDAY 21ST MORNING

I pack some clothes and shoes, I'm smiling because, well just because. It's my birthday soon, as in twelve hours soon! And it is going to be a great day.
By 10.30 am, I have left the house, the beauty of London and its travel system is that, one never knows what kind of day it will be.
Now that I live on the District line, it feels like lottery. Win if the trains are fully running, almost loose if not. I win today!
I got to North Greenwich quickly. I was over half an hour early. Ah well, walked around and wondered what changes tomorrow. Will I feel some magic dust on my forehead, or will I turn in to some swan lol. As I got there, a friend was already there with her sister. Soon two more ladies, then a male friend. We had to get to the Laser arena as our time set.

I was getting excited now! Is this how army folks feel? I wondered silently. All week it'd rained mostly. Today (Saturday) felt warm in comparison, and mostly it was dry too! Yay British weather.
We had two people unable to make it, so there were ten in total. We got in the friends cars (two total), and headed there ASAP. Upon arrival, after fooling around taking pictures, changed in to some horrible looking jumpsuit. Ah well, just as well this is not lfw. Or we'd be stoned with water filled balloons for sure. We got briefed, split in to two teams. Green team vs. Red team. I was with the latter.

ROUND ONE - Lasted about 15 - 20 minutes. Though it felt longer. Basically, you shoot the light of the opposite team. If hit, the light goes white on your body armour. Yes, I got hit a fair amount of times. Just as well I never joined the armer eh. I did get some hits in though!
My team won this round over all.
ROUND TWO - There were some late comers who were not part of our group but could play too. We acquired some smart kids and their parents split equally. So round two was the same, get white lights on the opposite team as much as possible. Again Green won out this round. I know we were brilliant, much to the chagrin of my friends in the Red team hehehe.
ROUND THREE - Find the flag - This was confusing, but I didn't mind once I heard one of the smart kids had the flag, we had to protect him and make sure the reds did not find his hiding place and keep passing it among the greens. Also, the ammunition in the guns died quicker. Imagine being shot whilst at the charging station, it was hilarious!
ROUND FOUR - Everyone for their selves! This was horrid, I really did not want to have to shoot any greens, but if I didn't I’d wound up shot. Nope! So like a crazed person we all ran charging toward each other. Sweaty, dust covered afro, dirtied knees and shoes. Ah well, I found R and I shot her on instinct and she shot back.
I gasped, she said 'I wasn't going to shoot you, till you shot be first' after that we covered each other till a red took me as a body shield. It was funny and really silly.
My friends are funny and pretty good people.
RESULTS - Green team won. The end! And the overall winner was a green team member; we'd met her there too. She was with 2 friends who were Reds. Then the family too, whom we had equally. I think in total there were 25 of us.

FESTIVAL AFTERNOON

After changing back to normal clothes, we got back in the cars and headed out.
We went to the Newham Waterfront festival by The Royal Docks.
Part of our group went to the wrong water front. Needless to say, they'd be another hour meeting us!
Though it was more of a family event, we had fun and walked around, attempted to hula hoop. R and P were good, her sister, B and myself? Abysmal and so funny in attempt!
Soon the Mc announced the lessons were over. Just as well, I was a tad crap at it.
We walked around some more, checking out the variety of food, from burgers to noodles and all sorts. Starving from all that running around, the five of us had some chips and burgers. Ohh it was so good. Eventually, the lost team came to join us; there were many hilarious versions of why they wound up at the waterfront pool in South East London, than where we were. Enh, we laughed and carried on goofing, taking pictures and checking out the scenery and live music. We found a restaurant and had drinks there.
Here we were, catching up. Another friend who didn't make the event came quickly to give me a card and a gift. It was sweet. She couldn't stay as she had other birthday celebrations to attend. Ah well, at least she came briefly. By six pm, we began to disperse. I was meant to go for a meal at the bride to be S's house. So went to V's to shower and change clothes.
I wanted to wear black, but I was told abruptly by B, P and my lil sis 'it ain't a funeral y'know!' then they proceeded to choose from my bag.
I wore a purple skirt with a print boob tube top in the end.

EVENING SHOCKER

I got to V's and showered, after much fiddling got the hot water going, it made me remember the first year I lived back home without my mum, I was useless at first. It took me ringing international and frantic texts to figure out how to set it. Tale for another day ha.
So I eventually got ready and I left for S's house.
I am usually quick with makeup, but I was scared of being late for the dinner that I thought we were to have, I finished my makeup on the train. I remembered to take the print out I needed to show her, took a fan (much needed! Dancing, you understand) and was on my way. It would take me about 40 minutes to get to hers.

I was excited as I had had an amazing day, I was also contemplative, and in less than 3 hours I’d be a year older. Not just ANY ole year. 30!
We were going to the pub, they were, and I’d meet them after the wedding meeting. I got lost as I walked the same road from the same station I'd been to many times. It's the most annoying thing for me, but it happens, I’ve been there before. So I’m lost why? How? Hehehehe.

Finally I get there. And, just as I was about to express my shock that the girls would be late. As that meant meeting V later than planned. S was saying how only one person had shown up yet. I sighed wryly and I opened the living room door to screams and poppers of SURPRISE! Goodness! I began to cry, I was so shocked, fucking hell!. I cannot believe I didn't see that coming. They got me good!
I mean, it's been a mad year, of funerals, births and marriages. Life i suppose no? To be honest actually, I was already content with Laser earlier. But, the absence of some of the folks made perfect sense. They were busy putting up pictures, arranging snacks and wrapping my presents.

I was moved more than words can ever say, I don't think I’ve done it justice...I have amazing people in my life. FACT! It's a lot, it's a lot for real.

Just when it was all sinking in, dancing and chattering. Some two hours later, S brought out the cake. As if she and the girls didn't already do enough! It was a pink cake, and then she proceeded to rub my face with it. Naturally! It looked like I had on a mask, if I had a boyfriend / husband, I’m sure that'd have been fun for him lol.

I re-did my makeup, and not long after more dancing. About 1 am, V said we were meant to go to a club too. Not everyone could come with. But I still had fun. Once there, a friend from early came to join, as well as P who was in on the whole thing. They all were but me! And I am normally the one who does know it all. Well, S has always promised 'one day we will shock you, watch!'

And as I azontoed and Oliver twisted my way into the fabulous 30 years of age. Many people have been asking all year how I feel about being this age, and my answer is the same as it was in January and last week and three days ago. Alright actually, I don't know how I’m 'supposed' to feel / be. I just know that I am glad there is life in me.

So there it is - surprise party!


ON THE DAY ITSELF

On my actual birthday, after I woke dragged myself up. I woke my sister, we'd stayed at V's, and as it was closest to the club we went to. And no I didn't take a 17 yr old to the club hehehe. I'd be dead. It's my birthday but, ma would not be that cool lol. We finally made it to hers for 1 pm. We saw her on our way in.
After the initial hugs, before my sister could say 'jack sparrow', ma goes, 'did you drink?', then both looked at me. For my part, I said yes, she had one.
Then she goes, 'we'll talk about this later, I see you are practicing for your 18th' I chuckled inside.

We were flat out once in at mum's. So tired, I wanted to sleep but I was too excited, then I saw the cake. It was huge! Eeeek 3rd cake. This was epic!
Mummy dearest baked it - aaaahhhh, I had been teasing my sister at the festival, whether she baked for me. Wow.

I felt feel so blessed, to have seen a new year of life. Ahhh, we had cake for dinner. #Whatface hehehehe. I LOVED IT.

MISSES
I was sad as my brother and dad were in town from Cologne, only for that night, but we didn't end up meeting. I didn't know anything of my birthday outside of the laser part. Plans did not go accordingly and I missed them. I guess I have to make the trip to Germany hey. Any excuse to travel! #timetobookflights

Pictures coming soon. Kisses and thank you!