Tuesday 15 July 2014

In your silence, I’ve heard you

Your silence drags
Across my spirit, my heart and my body
At slow pace, in parts as sharp as lightning and drops of flame
I miss you
I know, I know
They told me to forget you
I’m working on it, I’m working on it
It’s easier said than done
When you torment my dreams
And in my waking hours
I feel like I’m in a day dream
Until it’s at that hour, the witching one
And I reach to touch for you
And I realise, it’s just a nightmare
A mirage, you weren’t really there
Your silence is loud, it’s clear
It’s clear like a sun lit day
As loud as the beat of my heart

In your silence, I’ve heard you
In your silence this disquiet grew under
I wonder. What was it that happened?
I suppose that’s rhetoric really
Because um – I should have known
That that fuck was a fluke
I’m lay here and I’m wondering
Why I want you
When I know you don’t want me for certain
I’m lay here and I’m wondering
Why you sought me out to begin with
I’m lay here and I’m wondering
Do you miss me?
I’m lay here and I’m wondering
Does he even care?
I’m lay here and I know
All of the answers
No
Why I ask I don’t know
I suppose to answer what I’ve posed to me
Questions to myself

They say I should forget you
And I’m working on this
They say I should forget you
I’m not sure where to begin
They say I should forget you
But, each time I fall asleep, I see you
They say I should forget you
But, my waking hours are like a nightmare
They say I should forget you
I think they are right
They say I should forget you
And as Ogun bears witness
I will someday soon
Someday soon, this will be a distant memory
Someday soon
I won’t wake up and want to reach for you
Someday soon, you won’t haunt my dreams
Someday soon, I won’t cry like yesterday
Someday soon

I wish I could say I hate you, I don’t
I just miss you
I miss the sound of your laughter
I miss our talks about all and nothing
I miss the hug unexpected, welcomed and returned
I miss your kisses down my spine
I miss your fingers tracing goose pimpled maps
Across every single part of me
I miss your frown whilst deep in thought
I miss your smile
I miss your intensity of spirit
I miss your playfulness
I miss your seriousness too
And I know you won’t be back
Frankly, I doubt I want you back
No, not really
And still, I miss you

They said I should forget you
I know they are right
They said I should forget you
I’m trying
They said I should forget you
I know they are right
They said I should forget you
I’m working on it, I’m working on it
This silence
Like nail dragging at snail speed
Across the entirety of me
Boulder like silence, trying to fit into my chest
That hurts the most
And I heard you, in your silence
I’ve heard you
It’s over.

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